Friday, 10 September 2010

1st day at Uni

Got my 'Student Support Pack' today, everything I need to know before starting at Cumbria University next week. A brochure tells me about all the sexually transmitted diseases that I'm likely to encounter, as I work my way through the multitude of females on the campus! If I were a young person reading this stuff, I would probably choose not to have sex, unless I was wrapped in 3 rolls of cling-film. Was it really that different back in the 70's when we thought that dipping it in Dettol would kill anything from the night before?

Then there is the student discount card entitled, 'Demand Extra'. Who makes up these awful titles? You live in a country with a free health care system, you've got food and clean water when ever you want it, you'll get a great education for pennies and have the freedom to do just about anything, BUT...you should Demand Extra with your student discount card? Just shut up and be grateful.

Next I pick out of the pack, 'Student Survival Guide' (because it's a jungle out there). A Jungle? I'll put you in a jungle for a week and you'll come back to 'feather pillow' England begging to be let in.
Most of the advice is well meaning, but it assumes that someone has just given birth to you. Then again, I've seen young folk on a night out and their biggest danger is their own stupidity.

I like where it says 'beware of scams'. Most students will have spent the past 18 years seeing their parents scammed by the government, big business, solicitors and estate agents, so being scammed will come as second nature. Go for a cheap weekend break to Marrakesh, you'll learn every scam ever thought up. I found that even the things you thought couldn't be scams, turned out to be the biggest scams.
Beware of 'shoulder surfers' standing behind you at ATM's. If a guy was that close to me when I was using a cash machine, losing my pin number would be my last worry!

'Always get a 'black cab', don't get in a normal car just because it has a 'Taxi' sign in the window'. Well if you happen to be in Penrith, your taxi might have to come and collect you from Glasgow, so carry a credit card. Also, 'carry a dummy wallet, with just a little cash in it, so that if a mugger asks you for your wallet, you can avoid giving him the main one'. Good idea, but most muggers, having read this, will now beat the hell out of you until you hand over both wallets, and if you haven't got two, then God help you. 'Don't leave notes on you door telling your friends that you are out'. 'Burglars will know that you are not in'! No, I don't believe that could ever have happened, could it?

Sorry, I just love that kind of stuff and it does keep people in work. It came to mind this morning when I was listening to the news. 'Police Community Support Officers are no longer allowed to help children across the road'. The reason? 'Because it is not part of their training, so they are not qualified'. Barking mad Britain barks again!

Why are printer ink cartridges so expensive? I bought two the other day and they cost more than my printer. Ink is very cheap, as is plastic, so am I missing something? I bought one of those 'self fill' kits, but what a disaster. I looked like I had held up a security van and been drowned by the ink that floods the cash container. You didn't know about that device? Oh, I just saw it on Crime Watch, honestly!

My doctor phoned me back this afternoon, she said I could cancel my hospital appointment in Newcastle next week as my referral to Addenbrookes is progressing. Must admit, I would have preferred the Geordie accents on the ward!




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