‘ Why are men so emotionally restricted?’ Well not all but yes, far more men than women wouldn't you say? I suppose it goes way back to times when men really had to be men, and even as a boy, bravery was so important. Crying would be seen as a lack of courage at the very earliest ages, and without courage you were a danger to the rest of the tribe. Women crying has always been acceptable, and if you look at their lot throughout history then they had plenty to cry about.


I never witnessed my Mother or Father crying, though they probably did. If my brother's Paul, Andre or I even showed a sign of watery eyes, my Father would give us a look that instantly dried the tears. When my sister Jacqueline came along, yes it was fine for her to cry at any age, so she did. At school, any boy crying or even showing signs of it was immediately ridiculed by other pupils. I cried once at school, when Stephen and Debbie, two foster children who I had befriended, were moved out of the area. I pretended that I had something in my eyes all day but I remember how sad I felt. It's all wrapped up in 'affection' I think. I never saw my Mother and Father touch each other much, though they must have :-) I don't remember them touching any of us, their children, well not the boys anyway. Not their fault, it was a generation thing, nobody seemed to touch their male kids back then, so I suppose we became 'emotionally restricted'. I find it very easy to form a friendship with a female and tend to trust them far more than men. It doesn't apply every time, but in general I find it very much the opposite with males. I find it easy to hug my daughters and say 'I love you', where as my son just gets a hand shake and a hello. It's an inbuilt thing that I can't change, it was how my father was with his children. I think it's also one reason that I have trouble accepting gay men, or even the word 'gay', which used to be 'queer' when I was a kid. I respect the right of consenting adults to do whatever they like within certain boundaries, but I just can't feel right about two men kissing, it just doesn't work for me!


My IT tutor Jason dropped in for 3 hours yesterday and we spent that time getting me up to speed using 'Word'. Before we started, I thought I was about 70% familiar with the package, but soon realised that I was nearer 10%. Using my new software, I can now speak, and it writes my essays, or I can write an essay and it will read it back to me; even in a choice of voices and accents! 


Beverley came back from her first 'Advanced Diver' day, absolutely knackered and smelling like the stone quarry she had been diving in. It didn't dampen her enthusiasm though and she has already booked in for next week. She will eventually dive in Wastwater, the deepest of the Lakes.


My Head Tutor for next year, Fiona called me yesterday to assure me that the University will support me in any way possible during my degree course. How nice is that? Can't wait to start on 20th September.